Do I Hear Flushing?

It’s easier to get a job if you have job.  At least that’s what I’ve always been told.  To be honest, it has never really seemed that easy to get a job if I’m currently employed.  Mainly because I’m too busy working to put much time and energy into looking for another gig.  Not to mention the difficulty trying to have confidential calls with recruiters or potential employers, especially while working in cubicle-land.  With conference rooms booked and stairwells that echo, that leaves the bathroom or possibly the car.  Flushing is not a sound anyone wants to hear over the phone, much less a potential employer. And sitting in a stuffy car is hardly conducive to intelligent phone conversation. Yep, looking for a new job while I’m working has always added even more stress to my life.

The simple solution would be to prepare financially, then to leave the current job in order to focus my energy on finding a new one.  On paper, this looks great. Yet somehow I’ve never been able to do that. I’ve come to realize that I have a hard time letting go of things.  No, I’m not a hoarder; I can purge my closet of clothes and I don’t purchase toilet paper by the truckload.  It’s just that I have an innate sense of wanting to finish whatever I start.  And the word “quit” is not in my vocabulary.  Nope; mom and dad did not raise a quitter. 

Most of the time, this is actually a good trait.  I had a boss once who told me I was like a bulldog.  It was a compliment, although it took some explanation. He said he knew that he could give me any project and, just like a bulldog holding onto his favorite squeaky toy for dear life, I would never let the project defeat me.  He could count on me to be successful.

Unfortunately, my bulldog instinct can sometimes get in the way.  Like when I realize that a job is no longer right for me.  It’s quite a predicament.

Sometimes it’s not easy for me to recognize that I’ve outgrown my job.  The feelings of uneasiness may be confused with the occasional frustration we all experience from time to time at our jobs.  It takes time to truly identify the signs.  For me, it’s the lingering day-in, day-out frustration that is so frequent it feels like a huge boulder is on my chest and I’m about to buckle from the sheer weight.  It’s not about being incapable of doing my job; it’s about no longer getting satisfaction from it. It’s the time when the bad feelings begin to outweigh the good. A no-win situation, at least for me.

I remember being in this position some years ago.  It felt like I was trapped, unable to escape.  Hubby will tell you I’m a commitment-phobe on many levels, which is partially true. I have a hard time committing to a pair of new shoes, much less a new job. And don’t get me started on my commitment fears when it came time to get married; Hubby still wonders if I’m in this for the long-haul.

In the case of this particular job, I felt trapped, like a wild animal who just wanted to run as fast as I could away from whatever was trying to hold me down.  But the bulldog in me would not let go, especially without another job to go to.

Which leads to my question: Is it ever OK to walk away from a job without another one waiting in the wings?  Seems like it should be, yet for me this is almost impossible and unthinkable.  I get worried about things that are rational and even some things that are not: Will we have enough money? How will I explain this during an interview? What if the new job is a mistake? Will I ever work again?  But my biggest concern is my reputation – even though logic tells me that 99% of my friends will not care. I simply don’t want to be known as a quitter.   

All this to say that my bulldog tendencies + my aversion to commitment + illogical thinking under stress = more stress when looking for a new job.  It sure makes for tough interviewing.

As I continue to be open to new opportunities, I’m hoping the commitment-phobe in me stays locked away.  I don’t want to miss anything good simply because I’m afraid to make a mistake.  In the meantime, if you hear a muffled conversation in the bathroom, it’s just me trying to interview. I’d appreciate it if you didn’t flush.

© Tami Cannizzaro 2012 All Rights Reserved

Dream On

Still thinking about my niece’s college graduation.  I’m bursting with pride that she achieved her goal. She busted her butt, taking heavy course loads and extremely difficult classes.  Classes that I would have run from before ever purchasing the book.  And she was beaming as she received her diploma.  At least I think she was beaming; it was hard to tell given that we were seated on the far end of the arena. Either she was happy, or she was embarrassed that her cheering section jumped up and screamed so loudly that it echoed. I think we may have scared those sitting calmly around us. My apologies.

I remember feeling like my niece. One of my best memories is graduating from college and feeling like I had just finished the hardest, longest, most kick-butt marathon ever. Receiving my masters’ degree was even more thrilling – a newly minted degree and my dream job waiting for me once I stepped outside.  Seemed like the world was full of opportunities.

I’m a bit concerned about the new robes I saw at the graduation, especially in today’s economy.  I’m wondering how many of them have a job waiting for them.  As a board member for a collegiate graduate program, I know that many choose to continue their education simply due to the scarcity of jobs these days.  It’s hard to bask in the recognition that comes with a robe when all you really want is to put the knowledge to use and start your career.  Continuing to grad school also creates an issue for those who must have a graduate degree to pursue their dreams, such as my niece. Now she’s in competition once again simply to get in to a graduate program.

This also raises concerns for those of us already in the work force, especially for anyone in lay-off land. Now we’ve got to compete for jobs with this new batch of robes.  They’re smart¸ ambitious and full of energy. They have yet to be jaded from years of working long hours for dwindling benefits without much recognition.  Oh, I know; it’s just a matter of time before they experience the feeling of burnout.  But still, it’s competition right now for the thousands of unemployed.  I could argue that experience can outweigh academic “smarts”, except that in the real world youth plus new degree equals high level job, even if it’s low paying.

I’ve spoken with both sides of the equation about this situation.  Friends and former colleagues who are considered veterans in their fields are having trouble finding work.  For those of us who have pieced together work after being laid-off, many are underemployed (translation: low title and low pay) or are in a job that doesn’t suit us yet we can’t afford to leave.  Desperate to find something better, the competition is fierce with these new robes vying for the same jobs.

The students are concerned too.  Many are forced to work multiple unpaid internships before finding a company that will hire them – and actually pay them.  Wow. I’m not talking about students who skated by with barely passing grades either.  Even my niece, who was a T.A. as well as a leader in numerous college organizations, participated in an academic mission trip, has hands-on work experience and whose grades are what I would consider stellar, is concerned simply about getting into a graduate program to continue toward her dream career.

One thing I do know is that we all – new robes and career veterans – have the opportunity to make our career dreams come true despite the economy and anything else that might get in our way.  That may mean accepting a job with a lower title and salary than we’re used to, or for new grads it may mean bunking with the parents while working an unpaid internship. It’s all about getting experience, no matter how insignificant or tough it may seem at the time. 

As my favorite new philosopher Steven Tyler of Aerosmith fame said recently, “You have to have a dream in order to realize the dream”.  Well said, Steven.  Rock on, graduates.

© Tami Cannizzaro 2012 All Rights Reserved

Robe Envy

There had to be 1,500 robes walking solemnly into the ceremony. The arena was hushed as parents, relatives and friends watched the procession.  Occasionally a camera flash pierced the silence.  One by one, the robes took their place and the ceremony began.  This would be one of five such ceremonies over two days.  Yikes; that’s a lot of robes.

My niece was in one of those robes. It was her college commencement.  Hard to believe she’s old enough to graduate from college, and with a degree that is way more difficult than mine.  I could tell from the dangling cords decorating her robe that she was a member of an honor society.  Something I never achieved during my collegiate years.

With six nieces and nephews, Hubby and I will be attending many commencement ceremonies over the next 15 years. That’s a lot of robes; many heartfelt commencement speeches by dignitaries; a lot of listening to “pomp and circumstance”. Wonder if we could get Aerosmith to play at one of these things? Sure would be different.

I loved watching the doctorate candidates, followed by masters and then bachelors, each in a robe.  It was then that I discovered I have robe-envy.  Sure, I have the masters and bachelors robes.  But I want the fancy robe, the one with the velvet trim and colored hood that comes with obtaining a PHD.  Since I have no aspirations to become a professor, the degree would have little significance for my career and wouldn’t lead to more money.  I just want to say I achieved the feat.  It would be fun to have my friends call me “doctor”.  And the robe itself is beyond coolness.

Honestly, I just want the recognition that comes with working hard to achieve a goal.  And to hear someone cheering for me.  That’s not too much to ask, is it?  Hubby says I should go for the robe and the PHD that goes with it, if I want to.  Still contemplating the idea of going back to school.  It’s been a while since I wrote an academic paper.  The idea of research makes me a bit nauseous.  Of course I guess it might be easier nowadays, with the Internet. No more nights at the library trying to figure out the Dewy Decimal System simply to get a book that turned out to be less than good.  I’m still mad at that Dewy guy.  And all that reading!  If it’s not a romance novel or People magazine, I’m not too interested any more. 

Still, the lure of the robe is tempting. The feeling of accomplishment that comes with achieving a goal. And the recognition from others that I did it.  I made it. My hard work paid off.  Recognition like this is rarely seen once you enter the work force.  If you’ve ever been laid off, you know that getting recognition for your work – no matter how small – is really valued. And missed when you’re without a job.

So yes, I’m considering the possibility – however remote – of attempting to get the fancy robe. 

In the meantime, I’ll have to settle for the recognition that comes with working hard and that my years of experience are valuable.  I may bling-out my bathrobe until I can get the fancy robe.  Go ahead and be jealous. Robe-envy is hard to shake.

© Tami Cannizzaro 2012 All Rights Reserved

Ponytail Alert

Ever feel like you’re living in a Dilbert cartoon?  I have. The “pointy-haired boss” who is so clueless about his business and employees always makes me laugh.    Over the years there have been many instances where I was convinced that the cartoons were inspired by the company I was working for. 

And of course there’s Michael from the sitcom, The Office.  Unlike Dilbert’s pointy-haired boss, Michael is ‘arrogantly clueless’.  That’s almost worse – he thinks he knows everything but really just makes work harder for all involved.
 
Classic among the females is Meryl Streep’s character in The Devil Wears Prada.  Now this one actually gives me chills.  Reminds me of my first few years in the workforce, working in the high-pressured world of fashion.  I remember one boss in particular.  She was one of the smartest women I’ve ever worked for.  She was also a tad difficult.  A bit of a character, Boss had a habit of playing with her shoulder-length hair while she was working.  She always wore a rubber band on her wrist, and as she became stressed she would use the rubber band to tie her hair back into a ponytail.  The higher the ponytail, the more stressed she was.  And her personality changed with the ponytail, becoming more terse and harder to deal with.  So our department instituted the “ponytail alert”.  If anyone witnessed the ponytail – especially if it was high on her head – that person became like Paul Revere and alerted the rest of the department so we could avoid the wrath that came with the ponytail.
 
I was working with Boss on a project one time, and I had to run to my office for some information. When I came back, not only had she put her hair in a ponytail, but it was straight on top of her head!  I remember trying to remain calm, get my assignment and exit her office as quickly as possible.
 
Had another boss who was so clueless that he had me write my own review. I guess this is not unheard of, except during said review he asked me, in all seriousness, to complete the section with his comments – he was too clueless about my job to even write a comment on my review.  Good news for me though. I wrote rave comments and received a nice raise.
 
My rule as a boss is to help my team as much as possible. I want them to want my job, and if I provide the correct guidance they should become skilled enough to get promoted.  Paramount to being a good boss, in my opinion, is to provide as much open and honest communication as possible.  Confidentiality trumps openness on occasion, but most of the time it works.  Even when it means conveying bad news.  People can handle bad news; they just need to know what it is.  Nothing is worse than not knowing.
 
Over the years I’ve had great bosses, bad bosses and many in between.  Ponytail Boss was not the worst, although she remains a classic.  I’ve tried to come up with my version of “types of bosses” – see what you think. And whatever you do, try to avoid being one of “them”.

Types of Bosses:
 
Mr. Clueless – The guy who somehow got promoted, although it’s hard to figure out why.  Has no understanding of what it actually takes to get his job done, much less yours.  If he realizes his own shortcomings, working for this guy can be good as he’ll step out of the way and let you go.  Of course, he’ll also step out of the way and let you take the fall – after all, he’s clueless.

The Ostrich – This boss buries his head in sand and hopes that things just go away. Always a good approach, if you never want to take responsibility or get things done. Also a good approach if you want your team to be constantly frustrated.

The Constant Visionary – This is the guy who’s always thinking of new ideas yet never realizes that at some point, a decision needs to be made and action has to be taken. Business is suddenly standing still, trapped in a never-ending cycle of hope for action, due to the constant stream of visions that appear to this boss. He calls them "creative ideas".  You call them “roadblocks”.  It's a fine line.

The Smooth Talker – This boss appears to be highly respected by others in the company, and at first you agree.  His presentations are stellar and he exudes just the right amount of poise and confidence.  Others are envious that they are not under his guidance. Everyone leaves his meetings inspired, ready for action.  Once back at the desk, it doesn’t take long for people to realize that he sounded good but he didn’t really say anything. At least anything of substance.

The Withholder of Information – A very difficult boss, he has all the information because he attends meetings (without you) yet consistently fails to share that information when dumping projects on you.  Of course he’s probably fearful that he may lose “power” if he shares his knowledge.  Funny thing is that power is in the mind of the beholder.

The Clairvoyant Leader - Rather than providing direction, this boss uses nice phrases like "I'm open to your suggestions" and "let's see what you come up with", lulling you into a false sense of security that he is truly open to your ideas. When you provide your report, he unleashes all sorts of tirades on you because you could not read his mind and your work is "not at all what he wanted".  This leaves you to review your job description to see if “mind reader” was a pre-requisite for the job. No a magic eight ball won't work either. I’ve tried.

 

© Tami Cannizzaro 2012 All Rights Reserved

Been There, Done That

My career so far has been great.  Well, not always. There was that unfortunate time right after graduation when I’d just spent 4 ½ years getting my degree, only to discover I had chosen the wrong career.  Seriously, a degree in engineering technology?  Spending my days determining which size rebar and steel columns to use in structures? What was I thinking?  Desperate for work I enjoyed, I enrolled in a graduate program that would allow me to get on the right career path. 

It was smooth sailing after that.  Well, sort of.  Graduating with an MBA, I did land my dream job with a world-class brand.  Yet I still had questions about my career, new opportunities and other things.

While I’ve enjoyed my work and successfully moved up the ranks at different companies, there have been – and still are - times when I need a shoulder.  The opportunity to speak with someone who’s “been there, done that”.  Someone who’s not related to me that will provide a tough-love dose of career reality every once in a while.  

After my rough career start, I decided that if I could ever help someone else navigate their career path and answer the questions that others can’t, I would do it.  It would be my way of giving back, paying it forward, or whatever you want to call it.  There’s no sense for others to go through the same thing I did – launching a career without a guide.

I’m not sure how or when I became a mentor but it’s something I’m passionate about; something I make time for at the expense of other things. It’s so important to me to provide the one thing I wish I had when I was starting out – an experienced individual to answer my questions and provide an objective opinion as well as helpful suggestions.  To provide insight that can only be obtained from having “been there, done that”.

And I’m not sure how I get connected with people who need to speak with someone with more career experience.  As an “official” mentor at my alma mater, I get assigned to students.  But most of the mentoring relationships happen randomly.  Sometimes it’s a friend of a friend; other times it’s the daughter/niece/nephew of someone I’ve met.  All pretty random.

On a recent visit to my alma mater I met some students in a most unusual place.  I had some time to kill before giving my presentation, so I found a bench in a quiet area of the business school and sat down. It just happened to be conveniently located near the restroom. 

While sitting there enjoying the feeling of college life, suddenly all the classrooms opened at once and the area was full of graduate students, apparently on a break from a long class.  I was observing them and of course they noticed me, all dressed up and clearly not a student. At some point a group of them caught my eye.  We engaged in a brief conversation about what they were studying, what they wanted to do when they graduated and where I worked.  I offered to connect with them on LinkedIn and passed out my business card, telling them to reference that we met near the restroom at the business school – that would trigger anyone’s memory, for sure. 

And guess what?  I’ve heard from all of the students.  We’ve scheduled phone meetings and conversed via email.  They ask all kinds of questions; some I expect and some that are new.  The biggest thing is that they are taking advantage of a chance meeting to speak with someone who’s “been there, done that”. 

We never know when or where we may meet someone who could help us with our career.  In fact, I wonder how many missed opportunities I passed by? Was there someone sitting near the restroom when I was in school? 

Same thing holds true for me now, even though I’ve got experience under my belt.  I always try to be aware of opportunities to meet someone new.  It could be at a networking event, or through colleagues and friends, or even at the gym. Maybe I could help them or they could help me, or maybe it’s just a one-time quick conversation.  You never know.

Rebar and steel columns?  Still makes me shudder. If only I’d been able to talk to someone who had “been there, done that”.   

© Tami Cannizzaro 2012 All Rights Reserved

Burying the Lead

As much as I enjoy writing, there’s one writing task that I find difficult to do: write my resume.  Actually, writing anything serious about me is tough.  I’ve always chalked it up as a “girl thing”, the inability or resistance to promoting my career successes.  You know us girls – unless it’s promoting the fabulous new shoes we’re wearing or our ability to uncover fashion bargains, we tend to lay low when it comes to self-promotion.

My guess is that many of you share the same feeling when it comes to writing and/or revising your resume.  What to leave in? What to leave out?  How far back should we go with our work experience? What about awards or recognition?  Hobbies?  Other?

In theory it seems simple.  A resume is a list of accomplishments that should give the reader an overview of our capabilities and success stories, as well as a bit of history as it relates to our work and education.  But when the rubber meets the road, or the VISA meets the purchase decision, we tend to under-promote ourselves, overlooking some of our greatest accomplishments.

And have you noticed how much easier it is to write someone else’s resume than it is your own?  I can easily pound out some great verbiage for others, but when it comes to my own resume my brain seems to turn off. I sit frozen in front of the computer, almost as if I have no idea how to use the thing.

Recently I had the privilege to speak with some top-notch graduate students who will embark on their careers in the next year.  Their assignment was to develop their “elevator speech” and try to network with me and other executives.

Note: I still have a hard time using the word “executive” to describe me in any way.  All sorts of questions race through my head: at what title, years of experience, etc. does one earn the right to call themselves an executive?  But I digress.

Anyhoo, one of the students approached and presented her elevator speech.  In speaking with her during the follow-up critique, I discovered that she had been captain of the university swim team.  After more discussion with her professor, I learned that not only was she captain, but also a six-time All-American.  And an Olympic trial qualifier!

Wait a minute – you were team captain at a division 1 university AND a six-time All-American AND good enough to even qualify for Olympic trials AND you failed to mention it during your 3-minute elevator speech?  Are you kidding me? 

I must admit that if I had been captain of anything in college, even the Laundry Club, I would include it in my elevator speech.   

In her defense, she’s not alone here. Many of us do the same thing, even those of us who are seasoned veterans. We do what journalists do sometimes when trying to down-play negative news. It’s called “burying the lead”, when the main story is buried under more inane stories.  You know, like having the headline “Slight chance of rain on Tuesday” in bold type as the main story on the front page, with “Earth invaded by Martians” in eight-point font buried on the bottom of page 26 next to an ad for toilet paper. 

I immediately pointed this out to her as a gigantic missed opportunity.  By leading with her unique background, she would be remembered and stand out among a sea of job applicants.   

And I really must thank her. She helped me remember to lead with my main story when I’m networking, rather than burying it under the more mundane stuff that needs to be included but is basically the same as everyone else’s experience.

Wish I could include six-time All-American in my speech.  

© Tami Cannizzaro 2012 All Rights Reserved

There's No Crying in Blogging

Each week I set aside specific times to write, marking this time as a meeting on my calendar so I stay on track. Usually this works well.  There are also unscheduled occasions when an idea hits me and I run to the computer to let my thoughts flow.  Sometimes, when I’m not near my computer, I have to reach for the nearest piece of paper and jot my thoughts down while they’re fresh in my mind.  In any case, I’ve got a system for accomplishing my writing goals.

And today is writing day.  It’s a great day for it, too.  Weather’s cold and bit cloudy; a great day to stay inside.  Coffee in hand, I log on to the computer, ready for whatever brilliant, creative idea hits me.

Yep, I’m ready. Any second now the creative juices will flow.  Here we go.  OK, just a minute more.  Ready, set, write!

Tick-tock, the clock seems to be urging me to write, to do something.  Anything.

I look through all my notes, things that I jot down from time to time.  Usually there’s creative inspiration somewhere on these scraps of paper.   

I’m not sure what’s wrong. It’s like my brain has locked up, unable to think, unable to do anything. I can’t even seem to move in my chair.

Panic starts to set in as I know that I need to write.  The more I panic, the less creative I become.   

I stand up from my desk. I stretch. I walk outside for a minute. Pet the dog. Play solitaire. Look at a magazine.  Close my eyes and try to imagine the story flowing effortlessly through my fingers and onto the page.

Suddenly it occurs to me that I may not be able to write anything today.  Not possible! It’s on the schedule. It’s “writing day”.  I massage my temples, eyes closed.  Must…write…creatively.

Now I’m frantic.  What will I do if I can’t write something?  Tick-tock, tick-tock.  Now the clock seems to be mocking me, making fun of my inability to write on command. Why do we still have a clock that makes noise? Shouldn’t that be digital?

As the minutes slip by I become paralyzed in front of my desk.  I realize the sky is dark, getting close to evening.  Here I sit, alone in the dark, in front of a blank computer screen – no witty words on the page.  Fear of failure creeps in.   I can feel my lips begin to quiver as a lone tear runs down my cheek.

The door opens and Hubby comes in.  “What’s wrong?” he asks.  “Why are you sitting in the dark?”  At that point the sobbing begins as I tell him I’m done.  No more writing for me; apparently I’ve used up all the creative ideas in my mind.  Forever.  Writing, my favorite creative endeavor, must be over.  My shoulders shake as the feeling of failure envelopes me.

As gently as possible, Hubby tries to console me.  He knows to tread lightly.  One time, early in our marriage, he encountered a similar situation and in an attempt to help get me moving forward again he told me to “buck up, little soldier”.  As many of you know, these are not the words a woman wants to hear when she’s in need of consoling.  Let’s just say that was not a good night for Hubby.

Smarter and wiser this time, he hugs me and holding my face in his hands he says simply, “there’s no crying in blogging”. 

I don’t know about you, but this does not seem like the best time for a baseball analogy, does it? 

Yet I know he’s right, even if I don’t want to admit it.  Writing is fun to me. This is what drives me to get up. It challenges me and forces me to think about things in a different way.  Why should I cry over something that I enjoy so much?

Again, it’s that fear of failure creeping in.  Especially since the lay-off.  I’m even more driven to succeed than before, and the pressure I put on myself is probably a bit much. 

Will I ever lose the fear?  I hope so.  And Hubby’s right; I’ll get my creative juices flowing again.  This is simply a temporary set-back. 

I still think there can be crying in blogging.  After all, it got me to write this post. 

© Tami Cannizzaro 2012 All Rights Reserved

No Regrets

I’ve often heard it said that in life you never regret what you did; you regret those things you didn’t do.  Hmm.  Are you sure? Just one look at my old photo albums and I can see plenty of things I regret.

Photos from grad-school parties show a serious lack of fashion sense, which of course I regret.  I’ll cut myself some slack here since I was poor.  I will say that my sequined high-top tennis shoes (my creation) added some flair to my otherwise bland wardrobe of jeans and tops.  And my hair! I may have actually been close to a mullet.  Let’s just hope I needed a haircut and hadn’t made it to the salon.

Looking back at my career, there was the time I turned down an opportunity to interview with a small start-up. Happy with my job despite the low pay, I didn’t even try to talk to the start-up even though one of my best friends worked there. In my mind, it couldn’t possibly be as interesting or fulfilling as my current job.  I’ll never know how an interview may have turned out or if I would have liked working there.  One thing I do know: I regret not interviewing and potentially getting in on the ground floor, including stock options that later would prove to be so lucrative that I could be writing this from my winter home in Tahiti.

Over the years I’ve seen the error of my thinking. Of not trying something new.  Now I’m much more willing to at least investigate opportunities – both professional and personal – rather than simply declaring my life “fine as-is”.

Hubby and I have applied this line of thinking to our travel, taking advantage of opportunities that we never before dreamed of, not wanting to look back with regret at not going, doing, seeing.  Hard to regret riding a camel by the great pyramids at Giza.   I do regret my screaming while the giant camel stood up with me in the saddle; that was embarrassing.  Who knew that a scream would echo around the pyramids?

When the lay-off hit, my mantra became “no regrets”.   This stroke of bad luck was really good luck in disguise, giving me the opportunity to do whatever I wanted.  If I wanted to try something, I was going to try it, as long as it was legal and didn’t break the bank.  Any fear I had was pushed aside by the bigger concern that I might rush into a new job too fast and find myself once again stuck in the rat race without at least considering a new venture.

So I pressed on, past any naysayers and concerns from well-meaning friends; past my own self-doubt.  I wrote my thoughts and dreams and strategies on a large grease board with “NO REGRETS” emblazoned at the top.  And guess what?  I’ve actually been able to check a few things off the list.

Living a “regret-less” life is not easy and I’m not going to pretend that I do it well.  Many times Hubby has to give me a pep-talk before I worry myself out of something without giving it a try.  I find that it takes more courage and determination to try something new vs. staying with something familiar.  Worries flood in as I venture out of my comfort zone to try new things. “What if” questions are always top of mind.

I’m not sure where some of my “regret-less” ventures are going to take me.  But one thing’s for sure: I’ll look back someday with a smile, knowing at least I tried.

© Tami Cannizzaro 2012 All Rights Reserved

Competitive Careering

To say I’m competitive is an understatement.  Every time I complete something at work or in my personal life, I immediately begin to evaluate what I would do better next time. Just ask Hubby.  We’ve been married fifteen years and I’m still evaluating our wedding and reception, looking at things I would do differently if I had a chance to do it over. Not that I’m looking for that chance, but the perfectionist/competitor in me just doesn’t stop.

I’d tweak my dress a bit, add a trumpet to the music, wear different shoes and most importantly, I’d eat something at the reception.  I’m sure the food was great; we just didn’t get any of it.

With everything I do, it’s like I’m in a race to be the best.  Sometimes it’s against me, if there’s no one else to compete with.

Not sure where I got this competitive streak; it’s not like I played competitive sports or anything.  It probably started in elementary school with competitive recess. Who can jump rope longest? Climb the monkey bars faster?

Whether it’s getting the best grades, being in the best club, having the best outfit, succeeding at work – I always want to be the best. Even having the best room in a hotel is a big deal.  Yep, it can be really hard to live with me.  Hubby is not saying a word about this last statement.  Smart man.

So you can imagine how I felt upon receiving an email from that ever-popular networking site Linked In, informing me that a former colleague had been promoted to President of a global company.  How fabulous! Of course I immediately sent a note offering my heartfelt congratulations.

While I do wish him well and I’m sure he’s very deserving, there’s a part of me that’s a tiny bit envious.  OK, a lot envious. Completely and utterly envious, jealous and every other similar word you can think of.

Thoughts of “why him?” run through my head.  I’m just as smart, why isn’t this me?  What’s wrong with me and my career? Waa, waa, waa, I cry at this pity-party. Instead of feeling great for him – after all this is his news – I feel caught in a competitive trap, that somehow my career is not as good, that I’m not living up to my potential and that fate has indeed struck me a raw deal. 

The excuses run through my mind.  “I’m not able to move half-way around the world for work”, “Those jobs probably require incredible sacrifice”, and my favorite excuse, “He must have naked pictures of the executives”. 

Truth be told, there are probably numerous reasons why he’s excelling. He’s smart, he has indeed made personal sacrifices and he’s worked his butt off. 

It’s hard not to compare ourselves to others.  The things we strive for at work - title, money, prestige, accomplishment – add up to one thing: confidence.  I know, I know, we shouldn’t place all of our worth on our career.  Perhaps if I had children I could channel some of this competitive energy towards my kids so they could excel at recess. 

I know I’m not alone in feeling less-than-successful when hearing news of someone else’s career advancement.  Such feelings become amplified if we’re stuck in a job we don’t like or if we’ve been laid-off.  Good news from others can be a bitter pill to swallow.

Here’s a radical idea: let’s just be happy with our own accomplishments, rather than tethering our feelings of success to a comparative analysis of someone else! 

Did I just hear crickets?  I can tell by your silence you think I’ve lost my mind.

Actually I agree with you.  The idea of being happy with ourselves and our career without comparing ourselves to others is powerful, although incredibly difficult to achieve. I find myself at odds with this concept all the time.   

 Dad always used to tell me “just do your best and that’s good enough”.  I wish it were that simple.

© Tami Cannizzaro 2012  All Rights Reserved